beauty and attraction go beyond surface appearances.
i stumbled upon this section of reddit where people submit photos of themselves and get rated according to attractiveness.
why people do this i don't know — to get opinion and find ways to improve their appearances? ego stroking? plain curiosity?
looks are important – alright – but there's other qualities like personality, confidence, intelligence, and decency. heck, there are successful musicians/celebrities you wouldn't consider good-looking. and yet they're very awesome people.
this is jean-paul sartre, one of my favorite people, er, minds.
how we say it, how we filter our thoughts, how we package it, how we choose the words, how we set the tone, how we give direction to the thought flow — that's the writer's craft.
one of the ugliest parts about corporate employment is sitting for your shift, but really dreaming and thinking about what you wanna do after you quit.
some days, i feel like my life is so great, that i feel sorry for people who are not in my life or joining me in it.
when i listen to “gleeful” songs like this and have my soul dance to it, i worry that something must be “up”. this little bit of happiness might soon escalate to feelings of grandiosity, little need for sleep, eventually starting out new projects, picking up new books, maybe doing something different with my looks, and overall feeling like the best person who ever lived.
an opportunity to de-clutter and leave some things behind.
we have one more week to spend together. i've purchased bus and plane tickets. all in all, we've been physically together for three months.
it feels so fast.
i am now mentally preparing for the upcoming loneliness and the solitude that comes with living alone. solitude is always good, in a way. it gives me all the space that i need for self-improvement.
so during my 15-minute break, i decided to do squats, wall-pushups, and leg lifts in the bathroom stall. now i'm listening to post malone.
my body feels good. it's quite better than after-sex bliss.
i haven't worked out in weeks. these past few days, i've been sleeping a little too much, the kind that's already causing me headaches and blurred vision. i've been basically...letting go. i just want to sleep, and sleep, and not be here anymore.
but right now, while typing this, i realize that purpose, balance, and calm in life isn't a given. not in my life. i gotta work for it. i can't autopilot. i gotta grip the steering wheel — hard — or else my troubles will get the best of me.
destructive thoughts are still here but i'm trying to shoo them away. i wish “out of sight, out of mind” was applicable to me. sigh. i just try to relax.
right now, it feels good. i guess it only gets better after hitting rock bottom. yesterday – and a few days prior to that – i was a mess, and i could have reversed much of my little progress if i didn't hang on.
so.
i'm going to “rise up” and help myself again. yesterday, i've thought about seeing a therapist, but maybe i can just help myself for now, as i would like to deal with my condition as organically and independently as possible.
i've decided to take some action steps for better mental health.
my reasons to keep moving are falling from my hands like bits of sand.
i refuse to label my emotional experiences anymore as some sort of episodes. as if putting them in a box of categories helps me sort them out. as if labeling can disconnect me from the reality of my emotions.
tear in my eye, heavy chest, tired muscles, lump in my throat, insatiable desire to sleep? let's just call it depression.
