Collage of eye sores
Truth is, I just wanted to be alone and sleep.
Last night I didn't come to work as I wasn't feeling like it. For the first time, I did it – I didn't suck it up. I respected myself as a mortal being.
I am all alone in my apartment now and for the long months to come. I'd rather it be monotonous and boring than sad, lonely, or worse, depressing.
It's incredibly silent. I haven't turned on music. The whole place is a mess, a collage of eye sores, as I'm also in the process of moving out.
The last thing I would want on my shoulders was the additional burden of corporate work. So I called in sick. Told them I wasn't feeling well.
Truth is, I just wanted to be alone and sleep.
I stayed in bed all night, had trouble getting up in the morning, pretty much stayed in bed up till noon till I was hungry. I packed a few kitchen stuff. My eczema flared up, thanks to heat and dust. I took a bath.
Now I'm chilling on the mini couch. I don't really feel anything as of the moment. I've missed solitude and total privacy since my SO stayed over, but now I have them in abundance. I've spent hours checking random NSFW subs in Reddit.
Yawn.
I just wanna finish moving to my new apartment and feel like I actually have a life again. Or maybe I'll just stick to semi-existing and only being here in this world, really, for paychecks.
Writing and going on Reddit are pretty much the only things that are keeping me human.
I don't really have a facial expression right now. My heart feels like frosted glass. I want to be actually happy and excited about life but meh.
It's probably gonna be more meh when I get my period two weeks from now and conclude that I've been failing TTC for 4 cycles.
Guess we really can't always have what we want.
On the upside of being long distance from my partner, I somehow feel long distance from the baggage that comes with it.
Now I don't really care about his kids or ex anymore. They feel like characters from a far away, distant place.
And I kind of wanna keep it this way.
I'd rather not be swimming in bliss if it means not being in pain, too.